Press Release

Captain Redbeard Schurr and First Mate Carlson greatly appreciate the support of the K-State student body. We feel honored that voters have placed their trust in the pirates. We see that K-state is rallying behind issues like the ninja crisis, fiscal responsibility, fun in politics and the Touchdown Cannon. The pirates have excelled in addressing all of these areas because our cause, the cause of K-State is just. Ninjas are still a threat at K-State from their dark hiding places and still the pirates are the only ones prepared for the challenge of seeking them out and disposing of them. No other campaign could have done the tremendous work and gathered such great support as we have done on our budget that is clear of all donations and plundering, so far. We have endeavored to put fun and humor in K-state politics bridging gaps with good laughter and giving many a reason to vote at all. Indeed, with this victory we are one step closer to reinstating the cannon at football games. Even in the pirate celebrations of the primary election victory, we have sacrificed by remaining dedicated to the cause and are still sober. We again acknowledge the power of the student votes to get us here, to keep the pirate cause alive, to seek the best for K-State and we are sincerely thankful. Think Cannon!

Primary Election Results

From the SGA elections webpage:

Lydia Peele / Robert Swift	1413	54.3%
Captain Redbeard Schurr / First Mate Carlson	516	19.8%
Bryan Cox / Piper Hoskins	453	17.4%
Andrew Glazier / Dane Miller	185	7.1%

Over the next week we will be looking for support from the K-State population to staff a table in the union and also to chalk campus sidewalks. If you want to help either chalk campus or staff a table in the union, please email us at votepirate2008@gmail.com

Environmentalism

I would like to take the opportunity to point out why pirates are "green" or environmentally friendly. Firstly, pirates use wind energy, which produces no greenhouse gasses. If you study the historical trends, the decline in pirates has been matched by an increase in global warming. This is a disturbing trend. The ninjas obviously were opposed to protecting the environment, as they wanted to decrease the number of pirates, which history does tell us leads to an increase in global warming.

Ninja Defeat

The ninjas appear to have failed to submit a expense report. By our understanding of SGA rules, this would disqualify them from the race. Today is a great victory for Pirates everywhere, especially at K-State, for the Ninjas have no hope of gaining control of the Student Body President.

We are still working to revise this intelligence report, as the ninjas can be vile and tricky opponents. However, ninjas are likely not ready for the requirements of a political environment, as they are used to having a nice, firm place to rest at night, and never have to work just to keep the planks beneath your feet from falling into the sea.

Upcoming events

We're congregating in the union by the Jolly Roger until 3 today (Friday).

On Sunday we'll be meeting in front of Cardwell to chalk campus at 3:30 PM.

Monday is Eyepatch Day - Wear any pirate gear you have!

Chalkings and postings

We expect to have posters ready for download by the end of Thursday.

First Mate Carlson will be assembling a crew to chalk campus sidewalks with slogans such as "Back the Beard" and "Vote Pirate" on Sunday afternoon, exact place and time to be announced. If you have any other slogan ideas, please drop us a line. Also, we hope to get those chalking crew members together later for a bit of filming.

Vice Presidential Debates

The ninja party came at us with all their guns firing today and were found lacking. The debate was intense, with politicians being verbose as usual. The debate addressed issues like campus safety, parking, the environment, campus repairs, the environment, and Lafene Health Center. Afterwards the Pirates made a raid for some booty and then discussed both the student president elections and the United States Presidential elections.

During todays debate, we noticed that the ninja party seems to have several misconceptions of the Pirates. We clean up after ourselves. I myself took a shower just last Thursday, for instance. Also, both candidates are remaining sober for the duration of the campaign, and even when drunk, we do not pose a threat to campus safety, because as pirates we have a tremendous capacity to imbibe alcohol.

In order to prevent further misunderstanding, we would like to take questions. You can ask about either candidate or about our whole campaign.

Pirates Beware!

Captain Redbeard and I attended a meeting this evening dealing with rules. In order to uphold the fine name of pirates everywhere and to prevent disqualification, we ask our supporters to follow all election rules. Some things you should not do are:

• Kill ninjas or innocent bystanders
• Chalk on steps or within 30 feet of a building entrance
• Deface ninja propaganda

Some things you can do to show your support:

• Chalk sidewalks in accordance with election laws
• Vote in the primary election

We will soon have a poster available for you to print off and tape to your door, window, or notebook.

Campaign Kickoff

In today's K-State Collegian on page 7 there is a short article about the Vote Pirate 2008 campaign effort. After a gruelling evening spent with reporters and cameras, we are pleased with the introduction of the Pirate campaign to the student body.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with our campaign, we stand for simple, important changes. We want to turn the Natatorium into a Naval Academy, which would complement a Navy ROTC program very nicely. We have also looked into other locations in Manhattan for use in such a program, such as the lake and the ice rink.

We would like to bring back cannon fire for touchdowns and victories at athletic events. We decided against cannon fire to signal the beginning and end of class in deference to longer classes and concern for the community.

We dearly miss Long John Silver's, which was closed to exand street infrastructure. We want to bring it back to Manhattan, preferrably into the K-State Student Union.

In the interest of upholding high standards at Kansas State University, we would like to include walking the plank as a punishment for honor code violations. We believe that this will encourage students to maintain high ethical standards.

We have set up a Facebook Group and encourage you to join to show your support.